Trump Team here! When we said that Sleepy, Crooked Joe Biden was too old to be president and should not be allowed to serve another term, we did not mean like this!
We meant he should not serve another term because he loses to Donald Trump. It just did not occur to us that he might be serious about the stakes of losing and want to put his country first! The thought of a man — especially one who had spent about eight decades on the planet — saying, “There are more important things than my ego” just never occurred to us.
So, Joe, come back! We didn’t mean it. You are so virile and tall and really, you’re barely four years older than Donald! Four years, that’s nothing! We’re sorry we tried to convince you it was an unbridgeable gulf that would allow us to coast to victory by saying things like, “Be reassured: Our candidate is four years younger than Joe Biden and has been so all his life, and we anticipate that trend will continue!”
You were super in that debate. We think you’re beautiful and you should stay in it until the bitter end, which probably won’t be bitter or an end! That’s just a figure of speech. The sweet beginning! Listen to Commander! He’s saying “Woof! I want four more years in the White House!”Don’t listen to Nancy Pelosi. She doesn’t know what’s best for the Democratic Party. She’s a woman! In four years, if you stay in the race, it will be illegal to listen to a woman!
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See, I even said “Democratic” instead of “Democrat Party” just to show my respect! Which I have always had! Please, say it ain’t so, Joe! Get back in that saddle! Show us that moJOE! A free slogan we came up with just now, for you! We’ll make yard signs! Supreme Court Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. will even put up a flag! We’ll pull out all the stops! Just get back in there.
Also, we were joking when we picked J.D. Vance as vice presidential candidate. That was just us having a laugh and not a sign of how confident we felt about the race! Certainly not a sign that we were so drunk with hubris that we threw darts at a board of attributes a candidate could possess, wound up with “Hates Abortion” and “Has a Beard” and said, “Sure!” followed by about three minutes of laughter.
That was when we laughed at the suggestion of needing votes, when votes were plentiful and hung lushly and abundantly like coconuts on the coconut trees, assuming in this scenario that the trees were just full of them. I wish I’d never heard of coconut trees!
Imagine the embarrassment of having a whole campaign premised on the argument that “we don’t want some decrepit past-his-primer embarrassing us on the world stage” and then it turns out our candidate is Donald Trump and your candidate is Kamala Harris! What a nightmare.
We can get rid of J.D. if it would help! Seriously! Joe?
Source link : https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/07/23/trump-biden-chances-harris-polling-satire/
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Publish date : 2024-07-23 07:50:48
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